"Young fool in a wise old skin. . . "
That's the description I used on my Twitter account, because (in 140 characters or less) I think it says something essential about who I've become after a long life; a life filled in the main with really good stuff - love, laughter, professional progress, adventure & foolishness - but (bad news first) also featuring some pretty painful mistakes.
I always insisted on learning from my mistakes - or, less charitably, I sometimes needed to make mistakes in order to learn! However you look at it, I've committed a boatload of 'em. Much of the wisdom I've acquired has been paid for in that fraught currency, and sometimes at ruinous rates of exchange. That's the "fool" part. Some of the mistakes I've made were of a character that would make you exclaim that the wisdom they purchased was way too expensive! And some of the mistakes cost others as much as they cost me, the maker of the mistake, and that I regret most of all.
But they're in the past, and the best we can do is move ahead, trying not to make such a pudding of things again. Guess that's the "wise old" part. One of the keys is make sure that that "wise old skin" may be toughened by experience, but not calloused into insensitivity.
Now for the good: I was raised by parents who, like many parents, didn't get the credit they deserved. But they introduced me to the idea (and lived it themselves) that there's much to learn outside the well-worn channels that define our lives. Too much caution and care are as deadly as too little prudence. I've borne that out in my own life; and though I've taken some nasty knocks none of 'em has killed me yet. But I'm richer for having taken those flyers, and if there's regret mixed up in all this it's that I've been too timid, not too reckless.
I like the way Don Marquis put it in the lesson of the moth (from the lives & times of archie and mehitabel - great book, look it up!). In Marquis' tale the romantic moth argued for a life of reckless intensity, while archie the cockroach urged caution. The moth, unconvinced, went off and immolated himself on a patent cigar lighter. Archie's final assessment stays with you:
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
Many of us are pulled in those two directions; we make our own decisions about it, and live with the consequences.
I grew up with two sisters, lovely girls who continue to set me straight on a regular basis (they're generally right, too). They both live far from me, and I pay them too little attention. These sorts of things occur to you as you get older, and what might laughingly be called wiser. I owe them more than I give them, and that will have to be set right! We had a brother, who died when we were young; Paul did many things well - physically and intellectually - and I've often wondered who he would have become if he'd lived. He certainly would have surpassed my modest mark, as he always surpassed me when he was alive.
God has blessed me with a wonderful wife - wow, I can't adequately describe Barbara, or put into words what she has meant to me! Or what an education she has been. But I can honestly say that I'd have been nobody without Barbara, and probably not a Christian, either. Lacking my wise, sweet, loving wife I'd have been a poor man, indeed.
And it's been every bit as incalculable a blessing to have had two amazing kids, Sara and Shawn - who (as they've grown up and I've grown older) have certainly taught me more than I ever managed to teach them. In fact, they've been critiquing the Hell out of this website, and forcing me to do a lot of extra work on it. And they have made it better! (Whether you think it's good or not is another matter - see the Contact Me page if you want to let me know about some dumbness or other you've picked up on.)
I've also been lavishly blessed in my professional life; there's nothing like the marine industry! It's let me earn my living doing what I wanted to do - even the detours have been entertaining. I've worked hard, no mistake, but almost always at what I loved - or to learn to do something I loved better. I've traveled the world, and had some amazing experiences. I've never worried about status in the conventional social sense - but have worked hard for recognition as a professional. The respect of your peers is the sweetest thing in a career - no award or publicity can come up to that. Without boasting, I can say that I have earned my peers' respect; and have also had the instructive blessing of working with many folks whom I professionally respect, as well.
The marine field is full of jobs that require real commitment and skill, with real (and obvious) consequences for failure; the whole enterprise carried out in a dramatic, sometimes even romantic atmosphere. Skill and responsibility are at a premium - honesty is not only expected, but absolutely required if you're to successfully carry out your own job, and enable your shipmate to carry out his. It's not in fact honesty, so much as it is an uncompromising recognition of reality. There's little gray area in the operational end of this business. You either get the ship into her berth, on time without damage, or you don't - and everyone knows about it either way. The marine industry isn't the only field like that, of course, but those characteristics do find very full expression in it. And the people are the salt of the earth: unafraid, independent, capable, self-confident & plain-spoken.
Before my civilian maritime career, I had a military one - Navy, of course. It was short, but I'd say fairly intense. During that time I spent 13 months on patrol craft in Vietnam, a powerful and formative experience. It transformed my attitude toward leadership and personal responsibility forever - I still think of the things I learned in Vietnam. I lost some friends, and gained a thorough respect for the Vietnamese people. Vietnam is one of the places I wish I could return to, and I hope to do that some day.
So I'm very much who I am because of what I do. It's not the only influence; but my occupation has indelibly stamped my life, for better or for worse. I do very much - and proudly - think of myself as a seaman.
Finally, faith: the foundation stone, and the capstone as well. I came to Christ through my wife - one of the many exceptional ways she's blessed me - and it's a debt I'll never be able to repay. I was almost 40 years old at the time! As Christ has entered more deeply into my life, my thoughts, and my actions, I've seen myself grow in ways that would have been impossible to imagine before.
I'm a businessman, a seaman, a veteran, a brother, a son, a husband and a father - but I'm a Christian before all of these (though being a good Christian can make a man better in every other area, too). And trusting God has freed me from the crippling belief that I have to be in control. God doesn't hand you life and say "Don't screw it up!" God says, "Trust me! We'll walk through this together, and it'll be fine - no matter what happens." Bit of a confidence booster! My faith has freed me to be a better, happier, more productive man in every way. No matter what else makes up my identity - work, family, country - I know that first and last and above all, I am a Christian.
I always insisted on learning from my mistakes - or, less charitably, I sometimes needed to make mistakes in order to learn! However you look at it, I've committed a boatload of 'em. Much of the wisdom I've acquired has been paid for in that fraught currency, and sometimes at ruinous rates of exchange. That's the "fool" part. Some of the mistakes I've made were of a character that would make you exclaim that the wisdom they purchased was way too expensive! And some of the mistakes cost others as much as they cost me, the maker of the mistake, and that I regret most of all.
But they're in the past, and the best we can do is move ahead, trying not to make such a pudding of things again. Guess that's the "wise old" part. One of the keys is make sure that that "wise old skin" may be toughened by experience, but not calloused into insensitivity.
Now for the good: I was raised by parents who, like many parents, didn't get the credit they deserved. But they introduced me to the idea (and lived it themselves) that there's much to learn outside the well-worn channels that define our lives. Too much caution and care are as deadly as too little prudence. I've borne that out in my own life; and though I've taken some nasty knocks none of 'em has killed me yet. But I'm richer for having taken those flyers, and if there's regret mixed up in all this it's that I've been too timid, not too reckless.
I like the way Don Marquis put it in the lesson of the moth (from the lives & times of archie and mehitabel - great book, look it up!). In Marquis' tale the romantic moth argued for a life of reckless intensity, while archie the cockroach urged caution. The moth, unconvinced, went off and immolated himself on a patent cigar lighter. Archie's final assessment stays with you:
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
Many of us are pulled in those two directions; we make our own decisions about it, and live with the consequences.
I grew up with two sisters, lovely girls who continue to set me straight on a regular basis (they're generally right, too). They both live far from me, and I pay them too little attention. These sorts of things occur to you as you get older, and what might laughingly be called wiser. I owe them more than I give them, and that will have to be set right! We had a brother, who died when we were young; Paul did many things well - physically and intellectually - and I've often wondered who he would have become if he'd lived. He certainly would have surpassed my modest mark, as he always surpassed me when he was alive.
God has blessed me with a wonderful wife - wow, I can't adequately describe Barbara, or put into words what she has meant to me! Or what an education she has been. But I can honestly say that I'd have been nobody without Barbara, and probably not a Christian, either. Lacking my wise, sweet, loving wife I'd have been a poor man, indeed.
And it's been every bit as incalculable a blessing to have had two amazing kids, Sara and Shawn - who (as they've grown up and I've grown older) have certainly taught me more than I ever managed to teach them. In fact, they've been critiquing the Hell out of this website, and forcing me to do a lot of extra work on it. And they have made it better! (Whether you think it's good or not is another matter - see the Contact Me page if you want to let me know about some dumbness or other you've picked up on.)
I've also been lavishly blessed in my professional life; there's nothing like the marine industry! It's let me earn my living doing what I wanted to do - even the detours have been entertaining. I've worked hard, no mistake, but almost always at what I loved - or to learn to do something I loved better. I've traveled the world, and had some amazing experiences. I've never worried about status in the conventional social sense - but have worked hard for recognition as a professional. The respect of your peers is the sweetest thing in a career - no award or publicity can come up to that. Without boasting, I can say that I have earned my peers' respect; and have also had the instructive blessing of working with many folks whom I professionally respect, as well.
The marine field is full of jobs that require real commitment and skill, with real (and obvious) consequences for failure; the whole enterprise carried out in a dramatic, sometimes even romantic atmosphere. Skill and responsibility are at a premium - honesty is not only expected, but absolutely required if you're to successfully carry out your own job, and enable your shipmate to carry out his. It's not in fact honesty, so much as it is an uncompromising recognition of reality. There's little gray area in the operational end of this business. You either get the ship into her berth, on time without damage, or you don't - and everyone knows about it either way. The marine industry isn't the only field like that, of course, but those characteristics do find very full expression in it. And the people are the salt of the earth: unafraid, independent, capable, self-confident & plain-spoken.
Before my civilian maritime career, I had a military one - Navy, of course. It was short, but I'd say fairly intense. During that time I spent 13 months on patrol craft in Vietnam, a powerful and formative experience. It transformed my attitude toward leadership and personal responsibility forever - I still think of the things I learned in Vietnam. I lost some friends, and gained a thorough respect for the Vietnamese people. Vietnam is one of the places I wish I could return to, and I hope to do that some day.
So I'm very much who I am because of what I do. It's not the only influence; but my occupation has indelibly stamped my life, for better or for worse. I do very much - and proudly - think of myself as a seaman.
Finally, faith: the foundation stone, and the capstone as well. I came to Christ through my wife - one of the many exceptional ways she's blessed me - and it's a debt I'll never be able to repay. I was almost 40 years old at the time! As Christ has entered more deeply into my life, my thoughts, and my actions, I've seen myself grow in ways that would have been impossible to imagine before.
I'm a businessman, a seaman, a veteran, a brother, a son, a husband and a father - but I'm a Christian before all of these (though being a good Christian can make a man better in every other area, too). And trusting God has freed me from the crippling belief that I have to be in control. God doesn't hand you life and say "Don't screw it up!" God says, "Trust me! We'll walk through this together, and it'll be fine - no matter what happens." Bit of a confidence booster! My faith has freed me to be a better, happier, more productive man in every way. No matter what else makes up my identity - work, family, country - I know that first and last and above all, I am a Christian.